You can't have it all

Why is it that people think they can have it all when they've done wrong? I'm sitting here baffled over a person that has done wrong to my family and continues to do so and still thinks that they can have everything. No! It just doesn't work that way in my world and over my dead body will I allow it. So that person needs to learn that I don't let people run over me and I won't let people hurt my family.

My middle kiddo was wronged this year by a male person, unfortunately said male person is a coward and a cheat and nothing will happen to them. The female person involved lied in writing and in person to the police but apparently the police don't care and are taking the word of her and the non word (he "lawyer ed" up to get out of talking) of him over my kid that was wronged. Explain that one to me world cause at this point I DON'T F**KING UNDERSTAND!!!!

CPS is even closing out because the female person involved has "no intentions of leaving him" and because the kids are in a safe place with us that there isn't really anything further they can do. Really? Oh come on!!! So what, an actual horrific act has to happen for the people that are supposed to serve and protect to react? Apparently so.

I haven't blogged in a while because a lot has happened recently and we were waiting for a positive outcome, unfortunately that isn't happening and we're having to deal with everything day to day. So how do you stay up beat when things are so sucky... you hug the ones you love, you think of the fun things you can do and just be there for them.

And I will continue to be there for them- year after year, month after month, week after week, day after day, hour after hour, second after second for the rest of my natural life and then even in death I will haunt them just to remind them that I NEVER LEFT!!!!

With a heavy heart and a tear in my eye, adieu!

Stress and life

So I do believe that stress and life officially are married, their vows are said and their faithfulness will be upheld, no cheaters here people. Life has become extremely stressful as of late- lawsuit, life worries, money worries, child worries, dealings with other peoples ex's worries.... need I go on, probably not.

I understand and believe that prior life choices or non choices have consequences later on in life but if I had known that some choices I made would result in what I'm dealing with now I would have been a millionaire because I would cashed in on the psychic abilities that I had gained. Unfortunately I'm neither psychic nor a millionaire so I deal.

I vent to coworkers that have been in similar situations, write postings in my blog, I stew over things and then write bitchy emails to people that aren't doing what I believe they should for the money I paid them and I look to my boyfriend and my cousin for comfort. The support from them is what gets me to the next day, even with the worries still sitting on my shoulders.

Damn my family for being natural worriers lol, I think it intensified with me because I get it from both sides of my family. But what can you do, you can't choose your family. Things will get better... hahahahaha sorry I have to laugh at that because that is so not me saying that, that is my alter ego that wants me to believe that it's true, but I'm a pessimist to heart. I'd rather have the disappointment now and then the joy later when things work out, cause hey if they don't I'm already disappointed and I don't have to deal with more disappointment, right?

To end with words from a friend- "You can never make the same mistake twice, because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake...it's a choice!"

Adieu!

Lies and liars

These two things go hand in hand and not in a good way. Lies have consequences no matter if it is a little white lie or a big ass ridiculous lie. They will always come back and bite you in the butt. It causes people to become cranky and start arguing. It is overall wrong, there's no reason to lie. Tell the truth and if you screwed up then apologize easy as that right?

Well apparently some people never learned that lies are wrong and they continue to do this over and over and all it does is cause turmoil, anger and pain. I would love to shake the person that has upset the household today with their perpetual lies but sadly I know I wouldn't stop with just shaking. I'm tired of the lies, of the heartache that it brings the ones I love. If it could just go away and not return life would be easier but guess that's not the plan that has been laid out so far. Maybe one day the lies will catch up with the person and the ones I love will see how wrong the other person has been for them.

In truth and honor, adieu!

Irritation and its consequences

So for the past week the kiddo that I had the biggest bond with has been the most disinterested person to me. I'm not sure what is going on but it's already started to affect me in that I'm irritated to no extent. Yes she's a pre-teen and all that goes along with it but it just really grates on me that she's being so snotty toward me.

It's gone so far that I don't care about her right now, if she wanted to leave I wouldn't cry over it. It's not right to treat someone like crap when they've done everything to make your life something better. I've opened my home, my heart, my life to them and the thanks I get is little snotty looks, one word text responses and down graded from mother to step mother on fb. Yes the last one is petty but you know what, I do more for you than she has or will ever do for you because I'm there 24/7/365! I'm not flaking on you every other weekend because I want to go party or go to a casino and blow money that should be spent on raising you. No I'm at home, I make sure that things are planned to enjoy by all or at least by the kids. But apparently that doesn't matter because I'm not the birth mother, I'm not the one that gave her her former wedding band, which she wears around me and doesn't seem to think it doesn't bother the F out of me.

I'm spent, I'm done, I'm charred to a crisp. And while I chose to love you when I didn't have to, you should recognize this and respect it because the one that is supposed to love you sure isn't showing it.

So the consequence is this, I held back a fb pic posting because I didn't want to hurt them but after today I decided it was going up and so the below was posted. Thankfully I haven't received any negative response to it because I think if I did or if I do when I go home the "fit is going to hit the shan!"

To the readers be careful what you say and do because you might just be killing someone on the inside, adieu!

To hear or not to hear?

That is the question of the day. I have extremely sensitive ears, people make fun that I can hear a mouse fart a mile away, which isn't true... I don't think. While this can be beneficial when you're trying to listen in on conversations, at other times I find it a definite downfall. Today I find myself distracted with other conversations that are going on around me, so much so that I started to type their conversation rather than the words that were flowing in my mind.

I do have these wonderful earbuds that are noise cancelling that I tend to put in when I really need to concentrate on my work, and yes there are sitting on my desk mocking me. Now some would venture to say, why would you want to block out the rest of the world or think of the people that have never enjoyed the sound of laughter. To them I would reply, please take some of my hearing and give it to those people!! I would gladly share some just so that they could hear for the first time ever. Unfortunately I don't think that's a possibility that science has mastered yet.

A friend of mine that I've known since elementary has had hearing aids since as long as I've known her and for probably longer than that. She would be the first person I would share with because I can only imagine not being able to hear. Course some days I think it would be nice just to not hear at all and let it return in the evening where I could hear the sounds of my kiddos arguing or laughing with each other. She will probably never read this and never know that I would offer her my hearing but at least it's out there in the ether for that someday if it ever comes.

With much appreciation to JVC for noise cancelling earbuds I bid my readers adieu!

My bad!

So wow, yeah totally haven't posted in ages *takes ruler and smacks hand* Sorry!!! Guess I've just not been insane crazy about something lately. Although I'm sure if I think back there probably was something small that I blew out of proportion.

Kiddos returned from 3 weeks away from us, by the 3rd week I was all "man do they have to come back" lol. My honey and me went out to dinner before they returned and while we both were glad to have them back we both enjoyed having our time together alone. Not that we did anything spectacular but we at least got to be just us without the hustle.

I could rant about the weight that all 3 kids gained while away due to a horrible dietary management where they were, yes I'm a mother that doesn't allow tons of sweets and such in the house and you may think omg she's so mean. But when you know that both their father and birth mother are overweight you know that you have to watch this stuff for them because no one else is going to. The eldest gained 16 pounds, yes 16!! In three weeks, groans, I could just kill because I know she's going to have a hard time getting it off, she's pretty dang lazy. *side note, yes I know I'm overweight and yes I am doing something about it so yes I can rant lol* Hopefully with school starting in 2 weeks she will get kicked into gear as being a Fish this year and doing athletics we'll see the weight come back off, till then--- NO MORE SUGAR!!

Other than that we've just been doing our standard, eat, sleep, work. Boring!!! I'm ready for a day off and it just isn't coming fast enough.

Till the next rant, adieu!

Commuting through DFW

Let me start off with this- yes I was born and raised in Dallas, yes I learned to drive in Dallas and yes I will agree I am not the best driver in the world.

With that stated...I HATE F'ING DRIVING IN DALLAS!!!!! If I was ever given the option to never drive in Dallas or surrounding metroplex I would hop on that opportunity in a heartbeat. But sadly I need my vehicle and can't use public transportation in case of an accident or illness that could happen. Now if say some genius out there would invent the transporter that Star Trek used and could confirm that my molecules would not be scattered across the planet then and only then would I entertain that idea.

People that drive in Dallas are insane! They cut people off left and right, they don't allow merging *yes before I get the "well what about you?" speech please re-read the introduction* they speed when it's really not necessary, they ride your ass like it was the hottest piece in the world and the best part is - when someone thinks you're riding their ass and you get the obligatory break check. WTF!!! I wasn't riding your ass, I was trying to get your slow ass out of the fast lane cause you're going 5-10 miles under the speed limit with no one in front of you. Last I checked that was breaking the law, the police will pull you over for obstructing traffic!!! I'm just trying to keep you from having a ticket, I swear *smiles sweetly and rubs nose with middle finger only*

So yes today was an interesting ride into work, people trying to merge when there's no room and not even using their blinker. Come on people, manufacturers wouldn't install a blinker system if it wasn't needed! But again I'm not the perfect driver and yes I forget my turn signal at times but I try my hardest to use it. This afternoon homeward trip should be just as interesting. See I travel over 4 miles of bridge that extends over Lake Ray Hubbard (big freaking lake that attracts lots of boaters) and with the brand new extension of the tollway to I-30, this has made my life a LIVING HELL!!!! Spring/Summer/Fall is now know to me as death or don't expect to get home at a decent time. Everyone thinks they need to get to the lake right after work and that causes major congestion to me getting my happy butt home. Sigh....I dread driving anymore, it used to be pretty cool. I could drive wherever I wanted cause I was an adult and the road could take me anywhere. But now it is just a means to get me to work and home, preferably alive and unscathed.

Till next time, drive safe and watch out for white Honda Pilot's that have a Dallas Zoo pass sticker on the back :) Adieu!

Weekend review

So this last weekend I did.....absolutely nothing!! Okay I did at least 3 loads of laundry and one load of dishes but other than that, nothing, nada, zip, zilch. Was it the greatness I remember of old when I had no kidds and no boyfriend? Not really, I think I'm so used to the go, go, go pace of the kids that this weekend sucked! Don't tell my boyfriend this though cause he did make breakfast and dinner for me which was nice to not cook for a change but I miss them.

Funny how 4 people can turn your world all the way upside down and change how you view life. I guess this isn't un-normal for all you mom's out there but for us new mom's it's craziness. I didn't get the chance to work up to the fast pace but was tossed into it without a net. I think I've done good, I mean they brush their teeth (at least the youngest does) and they eat good meals and not a bunch of junk. They do their chores and help out when asked without resistance. They made A's and B's overall last year. Yeah I did good :)

But now to deal with still 3 weeks of no kids...what should I do, what adventure should I work on while it's quiet in the house. I'm pooped out on movies, although 21 Jump Street comes out on DVD tomorrow so I am excited about that. I watched regular TV for too much this weekend that I'm bored. I "pinterested" too much as well and so I keep seeing the same stuff over and over. I've read some, but even that I'm bored with, yes an avid book reader and I'm bored, it's blasphamy I tell you. I miss my kids plain and simple. Maybe I will go next door and borrow their 3 kiddos, young ones and a newborn, to get my fix on.

Till tomorrow and my next insane thought, adieu!

ITC the coveted girls only trophy

ITC = Inner Thigh Clearance

This has been a great goal of mine for too many years now, no I haven't achieved this great success so this post shall not be a rejoicing one sadly. Today as I walk through the office at work there are a few ladies that have received this trophy and I wonder to myself "do they even know what it would be like to have touching thighs?" Probably not would be the answer, they hold a coveted trophy and if I were them I sure wouldn't give it up.

So what prompted all of this, beyond it being in the back of my mind all the time, the pool! I was there last night with my girls enjoying a few laps since it wasn't overly busy. A neighbor of ours had come out and her kids were swimming but she was laying out, yes another trophy holder, so I went over to say hello and catch up on their house sale. She would never be a rude person and comment about her ITC trophy to anyone but me being insecure about my lack of said trophy realized that I need to get in gear and work on it quickly.

Here is my proposal- beginning tomorrow I will see if my oldest will wake up at 5:15 to get ready to exercise in the mornings before I have to get ready for work. She's expressed interest in working out during the summer before only because she doesn't want to get out of shape before athletics start up again for school. I'm hoping she will still want to do this despite the ungodly hour I will be getting her up at. But as the old adage says no pain, no gain and I don't want to gain anything back that I've already lost. I'll keep you readers abreast on how this goes and if I achieve this trophy, I know it won't be an overnight event so I don't have extreme high hopes.

To all the ladies that hold the ITC - pbbbttt!!! but congrats at the same time and maybe I'll be there someday. Adieu!

Deadbeat mom's do exist Toto

Why is it that the women that don't deserve children have them and the ones that desperately crave to have them get denied? This is a riddle that has puzzled me since I was young. If you don't know a lot about me then you may wonder why would a child ponder this. Let me explain.

I was born to an unwed 21 year old woman, I was swiftly passed to my grandmother aka Grams to raise and she did a damn fine job if you ask me. I didn't have contact with my father until I was older and even then it was only sporadic and he was already married to Judy. Judy never had children of her own and I am my father's only child. I always thought the reason she didn't have kids was because she was an evil step-mother or at least in my kid eyes she was. She was harsh and insincere and I seemed to be a reminder of her husband's past. So to me it was ok because I didn't think it would hurt her.

But now at 33 I am a step-mom, although I don't use the word step very much because our 3 kiddos are with us 24/7 and to me a step-mom is someone you would only see maybe every other weekend or one full month a summer. I'm there all the time, even while at work I'm quick to answer any sort of goofy question or jump when a school calls advising of an injury/illness. My kids are just that, my kids, and having to share them with their birth mother hurts. Yes you may say "Brooke you're being selfish and they should have time with her." And my response to you will be, "When I'm the one that they cry to, lean on and over all look to when their birth mother flakes on them yet again on the weekend that she is supposed to have them, I think you may need to rethink your statement."

Hence my deadbeat mom's title. My mom was one, she left me with my Grams and uncles and as far as I know never helped me growing up either financially or emotionally; which honestly I would have to say thank you to her because I don't think I would be anywhere near where I am today if that hadn't happened. Their birth mother doesn't know what she's missing, the laughter, the tears, the joy, the fears. But I get to absorb it, I get to be the one to be there, I get to be the one they get angry with because she's upset them time and time again. I can say one thing she can't- I. WILL. ALWAYS. BE. THERE!

So to all the mom's (natural or adoptive) and step-mom's out there, remember you can choose to be the deadbeat uncaring mom or you can be the momma that will never be replaced. Personally I'm going to choose the one that will never be replaced, the one that will be the threat to the deadbeat mom, the one she fears will take her place because she craves to have children that may never be.

With much hugs and momma joy I bid my readers adieu!

First official blog

A dear friend of mine for 24 years, even if we haven't kept in touch from school she is still a dear friend, was recently diagnosed with the horrendous C word. No I am not calling her a four letter word that is one of the worst words any person can use or be called, but the dreaded cancer word. I can't tell you how much I was scratching my head when I had seen numerous strange posts on Facebook from her but me being the chicken girl I didn't want to poke and prod to find out what was going on. I figured in time she would shed the light to the rest of us in "wondering about Julie land."

That day came on June 3rd, I was sitting at home relaxing with my 3 kiddos when I saw her blog tag and followed the link to a heart/gut wrenching release of information. I grieved for her, for her body, for her mind, for her spirit and for her family-known and unknown to her. Her story is sadly not the first and unfortunately won't be the last but it's hers and she's owning it like the strong woman she is. I know this will be something she overcomes with time but for now it's like that annoying coworker that sits and taps their nails over and over, you're ready to scream at them to stop but know at the same time that within moments they will start again.

This beautiful lady is being as strong as possible I know it, despite her being a meany to those around her per her latest blog. But hey you always hurt the ones that you love the most, because you know they will be there no matter what you do or say. So to my dear Julie- rant, rave, scream, kick, yell, cry, stop and think and start crying again, do it all because those are the way we deal with news that has screwed up the plans we wanted to have. Life is rough, I'm sure we've all learned that already but the best part is when we hit that really hard rough patch and find that if you add water (aka tears) and some love you sometimes come out with a piece of life that can be sown and turned into something great.

With much love and hugs to a pretty red head I bid you readers adieu!